To Catch a Killer Page 9

  “I want to know what he said.”

  “Do you really?” Matthew asked, peering at her intently. “I mean, what purpose will it serve? You and I have spent years beating up on ourselves for what happened to Neal and under the current circumstances, I don’t see the point of piling more emotional baggage on you.”

  “It’s important to me to know,” she said.

  He seemed resigned and none too happy about it. That in itself gave Kara an odd lift to her spirits. He cared—deep down and probably buried under a wealth of animosity—but he still cared about her. An unexpected show of tears sprang to her eyes. Shit. Suddenly, she didn’t really want to know what Neal had said. It would probably haunt her forever and she’d had enough of that crap to last a lifetime. “You’re right. I don’t need to know,” she said softly. She wiped at the moisture surreptitiously but Matthew caught the action.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “No. I’m not,” she answered honestly. “My kid is missing and in the hands of a psycho baby killer and on top of all that, all these past history revelations are seriously hard to handle. I feel like I’m going a bit crazy.” Stark, raving mad was more like it but she wasn’t about to admit that.

  An off-kilter smile formed on his lips. “I’d be worried if you somehow managed to take all this in stride. It’s okay to admit that you’re barely holding your head above water. It won’t make you a lesser person in anyone’s eyes.”

  Easy for you to say. A chuckle escaped but there was a mournful quality to it that she couldn’t hide. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind,” she said with a small shrug that said the exact opposite.

  Matthew reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The action, slow and deliberate, ignited a heat deep in her belly that she fought hard to douse but it kindled brighter when she dared to meet his stare.

  They held each other’s stare for what seemed like forever. Thoughts that raced suddenly stilled and Kara didn’t even question her desire—no, need—to go straight into his arms.

  Thick bands of muscled forearms wrapped solidly around her, tucking her against a heart that beat hard and strong inside his chest. Kara rose on her tiptoes to press her petite length against his tall frame. She angled her head and he took the invitation without hesitating.

  His lips, firm and commanding, anchored to her mouth in an assault that left her dizzy, aching, and needing the very thing that she’d denied herself for years.

  Sex, a heated voice whispered in her fevered brain. It’d been so long. Firm hands cupped and kneaded the flesh of her ass and pressed her tightly against the hardened ridge teasing her most sensitive spot. She gasped against his mouth and clung tighter. A whimper escaped as his mouth grazed the tender skin of her neck and she cocked her head at a deeper angle to give him better access. He obliged and sucked the flesh into his mouth, sending a dark thrill cascading through her body until she writhed against him with a demand for more.

  Falling to the bed, they divested each other of their clothes in short order. Kara didn’t waste precious time allowing herself to consider the ramifications of what they were doing. She was too far gone to care. She needed him inside her, to feel him filling and stretching her, sliding and pounding until an orgasm burst from her body. She would have this and nothing would stop her from getting it.

  “Kara,” he rasped against her mouth, his hands stilling hers as if he were going to try to talk some sense into the both of them. She growled and sucked his tongue into her mouth.

  “No talking,” she whispered when she finally freed his mouth from her own assault. “Please.”

  The last part came out a tortured plea and he responded with a nod of understanding. For a brief moment she wondered if he sensed her desperation in her touch, felt the despair coming from her heart in waves, and instinctively knew she needed to touch and be touched if only for this moment in time so that she could gather the strength to face what was coming.

  Whatever it was, he understood and it alternately buoyed and sank her. This man had always known her and there was no escaping that. Not now. Perhaps not ever.

  Kara’s soft skin slid like skeins of satin beneath his fingertips and like a starving man, he couldn’t get enough of her. Her scent, the sweet, feminine sounds she made as he explored her body, the absolute perfect matching of their bodies—it was like hell in the most wonderful way.

  He bit back a groan as he sank into her slick, hot folds, and his heart threatened to burst from his chest from the raw emotion. Her legs wrapped around his torso and she clung to him like she was a woman about to die and he was her savior.

  Framing her face between his hands, he claimed her mouth, lips swollen and red, as he slowed his tempo to a torturous pump and grind. Seated to the hilt, he sucked in a wild breath as she clenched her inner muscles tightly, making the withdrawal motion that much more pleasurable.

  He pulled back and gently placed her legs over his shoulders, the beauty of her spread before him nearly stealing the strength from his limbs. Penetrating deep, he rocked her body, hitting that sweet hidden spot with unerring accuracy, until she let loose with a keening wail that she couldn’t hold back as every muscle in her body tensed and then melted.

  Knowing she’d reached her release, Matthew quickly found his until they both collapsed to the bed, sweaty and sated.

  The first thought that came to him as he slowly regained the ability to think was startlingly blunt.

  What the hell have you just done?

  Chapter 11

  Kara retrieved her discarded clothing and quickly dressed, all the while suffocating under the silence in the room.

  “This is awkward,” she finally admitted, averting her eyes while Matthew finished buckling his belt. He spared her a short look that was in total agreement and she felt her cheeks heat. “Seems like old times.” In so many ways.

  “You got that right,” he muttered, jerking his pant legs over his boots. Straightening, he raked a hand through his dark hair and his mouth tightened to a grim line. “Where do we go from here?” he asked.

  She pulled her hair into a low, no-nonsense ponytail and reverted to her fail-safe: professionally distant. “We go back to where we were before.” Perhaps he wouldn’t notice that she was spewing total bullshit. Already she could feel that her words were disingenuous but she couldn’t afford to let herself weaken. She needed to be focused and strong for Briana.

  He gave her a caustic look that made her wince privately. “Is it that easy for you?” he asked.

  “Is what easy?”

  “Pretending that you don’t have feelings?”

  Her nerves, already stretched to the breaking point, snapped. She turned on him. “What do you want from me? You want me to fall into a sobbing heap just so you can see that I’m hurting inside? Or would you rather I just fall over you in the hopes that you’ll take pity on me and allow me to cry on your shoulder?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Not gonna happen, Matthew,” she said coldly.

  “I wasn’t talking about the way you handle yourself in a crisis,” he shot back, advancing toward her, his face darkening and losing all traces of the lover she’d just been with. “I’m talking about us. This.” He gestured between them in a jerky motion. “We just made love yet you’re acting like we were two drivers in a fender-bender and now comes the tedious insurance exchange.”

  “We had sex. Don’t read more into it than the situation deserves.” She nearly flinched at the wintry chill coming from her voice but it wouldn’t do either of them any good to think that there was more between them than a physical need created under extreme circumstances. “And it was good,” she admitted, throwing him a bone. More than good. Damn near fantastic. “But there is no us.”

  His gaze narrowed but he remained silent. His silence unnerved her but she didn’t let it show. She swallowed and eyed him intently. “Are we clear?”

  “Oh, yeah. Perfectly.”

  She suppressed a shudder. She was going t
o hell. And by the look on Matthew’s face, he’d be the first to throw the going-away party. Jerking his coat on, he stalked to the door. Hand on the knob, he gave her a cruel smile and said, “In that case…thanks for the screw.”

  Matthew cursed under his breath as he drove away from Kara’s motel. What level of stupidity had he sunk to? One that was pretty far to the bottom. To sleep with Kara again? He slammed the Jeep into gear roughly, ignoring the vehicle’s screech at the treatment.

  The original Ice Bitch, that’s what Kara was. She didn’t have an ounce of human compassion in her lean body. And he already knew that, so what was his excuse for taking her to bed?

  The short answer was easy even if it stung. He’d always wanted Kara. Even when she’d been off-limits. That’s why he’d given in all those years ago when she’d come to him, crying, clinging to him as if she needed his strength to keep her going, just like tonight. And just like tonight, he’d hated himself for succumbing to his baser desires. Betrayed a friend. Took his girl into his arms and loved her with more than his body, trying to communicate all those years of longing and secret hope that maybe she might see him as more than a friend someday, only to routinely quash that dream when he saw Kara with Neal. The smile that wreathed her face when she was around him was proof enough that he should keep his trap shut and try to bury those feelings so deep it would take a deep-sea drilling team to unearth.

  He slammed his hand against the steering wheel. Damn it! He wanted to hate her. He had plenty of reason. His daughter—the word felt strange and foreign on his tongue yet pain and fear arced through him just the same—was in danger and he couldn’t let his feelings cloud his judgment. Too late for that. Blowing a sharp breath, he jerked the wheel, spewing gravel from the shoulder as he did an abrupt U-turn and headed back to Kara’s motel. She wasn’t going to keep him from helping in this investigation. He didn’t care what she said. She wasn’t in charge anymore. She was just like him—a parent living in fear of the worst possible outcome.

  Kara had only just wiped at the moisture gathering at the corners of her eyes when Dillon walked in, his eyes stormy.

  “What was that all about?” he asked.

  She feigned ignorance to buy time. “What are you talking about? And I thought I asked you to knock.”

  “Beauchamp just drove out of here like the devil was on his heels. What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying,” Dillon said, deadpan.

  She shrugged. “It has nothing to do with the case so drop it.”

  “You said he wasn’t going to be a problem,” he said, stubbornly refusing to do as she requested, which was so like Dillon. He never did as one asked unless it suited him. She heaved a sigh and turned away but Dillon wasn’t ready to let it go. “Contrary to what you think at the moment, pissing off the locals in high places isn’t the way we’ve been trained to work in these kinds of situations. You said you could put the past behind you but it seems you were wrong.”

  She turned to face Dillon, unable to stop the tears from flooding her eyes but she blinked them back to prevent them from falling. “I made a mistake, okay? I…” She needed someone to hold on to, someone to make this horrible pain go away, not just someone…Matthew. “It won’t happen again,” she finished, swallowing whatever might’ve been poised to fall from her mouth before it could destroy the careful wall she was trying to build.

  “Why don’t I believe you?”

  She ground her eyes with her palm. “I’m exhausted, Dillon. I don’t have the strength to play this game with you. You’re not in interrogations any longer, remember?”

  He ignored that last part, his gaze boring into her until Kara was tempted to punch him simply because she had a lot of pent-up emotion backing up in her system and he was giving her shit when she plainly told him to back off.

  “I know Matthew is Briana’s father,” he said simply and she startled.

  “Excuse me?”

  He shrugged. “It’s my job to know things. I’ve known since we got here and I met the chap. Honestly, Kara, it doesn’t take my skill in observation to see that. Briana looks just like him. I’m not here to niggle your nuts about the fact that you kept his daughter from him. I’m sure you had your reasons at the time, but now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, there’s no need to muddy the waters further by poking at him. This case is highly sensitive. Colfax is riding my ass so hard I’ve got his handprint on my cheeks but I’m willing to take the heat for you and Briana. Don’t make it harder than it already is.”

  “I’m not trying to,” she said.

  “Well, you’re doing a bang-up job from where I’m standing of doing the exact opposite. What happened between you two that sent him barreling out of here?”

  “I appreciate what you’re saying but I don’t want to get into this right now.”

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  “No.”

  He assessed her openly and she bristled, probably because she’d just lied through her teeth and it was a stupid move because Dillon could see the truth in her body language. “All right, yes, but it won’t happen again,” she snapped. “Don’t you have some work to do?”

  Dillon gave a minute shake of his head that was fairly contained even when she knew that he was disappointed. He headed for the door. “I hope this time you used birth control,” was all he said before he closed the door behind him.

  Her anger was misplaced and she knew it. She wasn’t angry with Dillon. He was doing his job while she was mucking everything up. He was covering for her with Colfax and shielding her from the angry calls coming from Senator Nobles. She knew this. Yet…the rage she felt bubbling under the surface for her own screw-up took advantage of the situation to find a victim. She’d apologize later. Right now, she needed to move. Quickly changing into running pants, she slid on a light jacket and headed for the beach.

  It wasn’t a beautiful day, not by the usual standards. The sun was sulking behind a veil of gray clouds and the mist coming from the water gave everything a damp chill. It was melancholy and bitter and absolutely perfect for the foul state of mind she was stuck in.

  Breaking into a jog as soon as she hit the shoreline, she pounded the sand, puffing hard as the shifting sands sucked at her shoes and made the effort ten times harder. The burn in her calf muscles was more welcome than the ache in her heart and she pushed herself harder. She knew why Tana ran until her lungs nearly disintegrated; it was to dull the pain that was always there. Just as Tana couldn’t escape her past, neither could Kara.

  This place—so a part of her—was something she tried to forget. Neal and Matthew were part of her past but Briana was her future and everything that was good and beautiful in her life. Yet, Matthew was a part of Briana, so the very thing she’d avoided for ten years had come to bite her in the ass. Her past was intruding on her future and yet…she couldn’t say that a tiny part of her hadn’t always wanted to share the joy of being Briana’s parent with Matthew. It was just that the self-preservation part of her had always been stronger.

  She was a coldhearted bitch. If only that were totally true. The thing is…if she truly were as coldhearted as Matthew surely believed, she wouldn’t be running away from the pain that was tearing her in two over the look Matthew had given her as he walked out. She’d hurt him and she knew it. Just as she knew she’d hurt him that night when she made him promise not to tell Neal. She’d chosen Neal over Matthew and she’d be a liar if she didn’t admit that there were many nights when she’d wondered if she’d made the wrong choice.

  Neal. She collapsed on the ground, her hands curling in the cold, moist sand as she fell forward until her forehead rested against her clenched palms. How did three best friends end up destroying one another so completely?

  She’d inadvertently created a love triangle that she’d never been aware was there until that night when she and Neal had had the worst row ever. It was the night Neal had demanded she stay when she knew in her heart she c
ouldn’t. A part of her had been so angry that he’d discounted her dreams so easily because of his damn ego but mostly she’d been crushed. Turning to Matthew hadn’t been a conscious choice but she’d run to him unerringly. And something had clicked inside her that had never fully come to life with Neal, and God, it had scared her.

  Just like she was scared right now.

  What if she’d never truly loved Neal at all? Not in the true sense. The kind of love that was bone-deep and uncompromising; the kind that made a person feel whole and complete for the gift of that love in return. Had Neal loved her that way? No. But she suspected Matthew had.

  Had. Past tense. Shit. Way to really screw things up. Again.

  Chapter 12

  Kara wiped the sweat dotting her hairline as she returned to the room where the team was assembled. The motel was small, which had enabled Kara to basically commandeer the entire establishment for their purposes. She didn’t need to worry about civilians poking around and it allowed them to set up the command base without fear of tampering or theft. But at that moment, “small” had its downside.

  She nearly skidded to a stop as her gaze collided with Matthew’s, as she hadn’t expected him to be there after the ugly scene in her own room. Her cheeks flushed uncomfortably. She pulled her gaze away from him to focus on something else, but he seemed to dominate the room.

  “Colfax scheduled a press conference,” Dillon stated, his frown deepening. “Reporters caught a hold of the fact that Hannah Linney was found.”

  “Damn,” she swore under her breath but what could she expect? It had only been a matter of time before the press caught wind of the recent body dump. “When and who?”

  “We were just going over that when you came in. We figured Zane might be a good spokesperson for the team since you’re no longer an official member for the time being.”