Something to Believe In Read online

  “You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met,” he murmured against the shell of her ear. She shivered at the spike of arousal that followed. “If I didn’t know that sirens were mythical, I’d say I’d caught one.”

  “You don’t catch sirens...they catch you,” Lilah said, tightening her hold around his neck, pressing her breasts against him. She felt the nudge of his erection prodding at the cleft in her backside and she smiled against his shoulder. It’d been months since she felt even a flicker of desire, but here with Justin, every feeling that’d been languishing beneath the weight of her depression came kicking to life. She was nearly delirious from the intoxicating wash of desire and recklessness and she wanted to saturate herself within the feelings of happiness. She didn’t want the night to end if it meant the light of day would diminish what she was experiencing right now. Propelled by her newfound abandon, she found his mouth quickly, surprising him with an ardent and insistent kiss that left nothing to the imagination. She wanted him desperately—and he felt the same.

  They melted into one another, feeling as one, as their tongues danced and dueled, and the water caressed them with soft waves against their naked bodies.

  She clung to him as their kisses turned into a storm of need and want, buffeting her against the knowledge that what they were doing was neither responsible nor prudent given her situation but she didn’t care.

  Before she realized it, they were out of the water and tumbling to the blanket. She squeezed her eyes shut, moaning as her body came alive beneath Justin’s expert touch. There was no fumbling awkwardness inherent to the first time with a stranger, but rather a complimentary give-and-take that worked like a fine-tuned machine. His mouth and tongue delivered sensations that alternatively seemed foreign and familiar and she gasped with the need for more.

  His firm, lean muscles strained with delicious precision as he entered her. She moaned, holding back nothing as he pushed himself deeper. He rocked her pelvis, grinding against her pubic mound with enough pressure to make her cry out and cling to him, needing more. “Yesss,” she sobbed, unable to stop the rushing tide of sensation swamping her body. She wasn’t alone. Within moments of her shuddering completion, Justin followed, crying out with a hoarse, throaty groan that echoed in the still night.

  “Oh, God, woman,” he breathed, rolling off her to his back, his chest heaving. For a long moment, neither spoke. The cacophony of night sounds filled the air with beautiful music and Lilah couldn’t help the sudden rush of tears. Alarmed, Justin rolled to his side and wiped the tears away. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? I thought you wanted this?” he asked, distressed.

  She offered a watery chuckle at his concern but didn’t know how to explain without oversharing. “I’ve been under a lot of stress,” she finally said. And it wasn’t a lie, per se. Trying to kill yourself, getting committed, all the while trying to save your family’s resort was stressful. She forced a smile. “I’m sorry. I ruined the moment.”

  His relieved expression was worth the small lie. “For a second there I was worried I’d misread the signs.”

  “I’m not sure how you can misread a naked woman with her tongue down your throat.”

  “Well, I did feel pretty secure that I was heading in the right direction until just now.” He smiled ruefully and she giggled. “So, stress, huh? What’s happening that’s got you all stressed out?”

  She shook her head. “Let’s not ruin the night with reality—it’ll come soon enough. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

  “Oh, crap. You’re married, aren’t you?”

  Lilah laughed out loud. “No, of course not,” she assured him. “Things are just...complicated and I don’t want to think about all that stuff right now.” She popped to her hands and knees and then straddled Justin, positioning her moist, hot heat right over his rapidly stirring penis. “What do you say we jump in the water, rinse and repeat?”

  Justin smoothed the hair from her eyes as it hung down and tickled his chest with the damp strands, and she was struck anew how handsome—borderline adorable—he was. Likely, he was the one with a wife. But that wasn’t her concern. Not tonight. He rose up to meet her mouth, capturing it with firm, possessive pressure, pushing her down until she was on her back again. She thrilled at the way his stare devoured her body and came back for more. “I say that’s a stellar idea,” he agreed with an openly lustful gaze. “Because by the time we leave this beach, I want to know every inch of your perfect body.”

  “Is that so?” she asked, drowning in the darkness of his eyes.

  “Yes.”

  She licked her lips, fastening her gaze on his delectable mouth. “Then what are you waiting for?”

  “Saucy wench,” he growled before capturing her mouth and pinning her to the blanket.

  Lilah gasped and realized as his mouth traveled to her breast...they weren’t going to make it back to the water.

  Not yet, anyway.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  AFTER SEX, JUSTIN ALWAYS felt good. All those endorphins rushing through his body, that nice, satiated feeling permeating his bones—hell, sex was just what the doctor ordered most times.

  And so yes, Justin felt good.

  But there was something else...something he couldn’t rightly put his finger on, that was tugging at him.

  Maybe it was because, even as they were packing up to return to Larimar, he still didn’t want the night to end.

  That in itself was troubling.

  He wouldn’t call himself the wham-bam variety of man, but he wasn’t a cuddler, either. Most times, it just felt awkward and weird and he spent ninety percent of that cuddling time wondering when it would be acceptable to get up and leave.

  But Lilah wasn’t clinging to him or pestering him for his number or acting like most random hook-ups, and while he should’ve found that refreshing...he found himself wondering why.

  “So...what’s your schedule look like tomorrow?” he asked as they walked back to the Jeep.

  “I have to work,” she answered, tucking the giant beach bag into the tiny space behind the backseats before climbing into the front seat.

  “What time do you get off?” he asked, hating how needy he sounded. “I mean, if you’re not busy maybe we could get a bite or something?”

  She graced him with a sweet smile but didn’t commit, saying, “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  Wait a minute... Did she just give him the polite brush-off? Yes, he was fairly certain she had, because he recognized the signs from his own playbook. “It’s cool, I just thought, you know, if you weren’t busy or anything. I’m probably going to drive around the island, thought it’d be nice to have my own personal tour guide.”

  Way to go, Romeo. I only want you around to work for me. Nice. He tried clarifying to salvage his statement, but he knew there was little hope. “No worries. Maybe I’ll charter a boat or something.”

  “Call Billy Janks. He’s a personal friend. He has good rates and he won’t rip you off if you tell him I sent you,” Lilah said, seemingly oblivious to his growing irritation at himself and the situation. “You have to be careful, some of the charter companies are major criminals. They charge a ridiculous amount of money if they think you’ll pay it.”

  “I’m not worried about money,” he said. Let the old man choke on the Visa bill when it came. “Is it a nice boat?”

  “It won’t sink,” Lilah answered with a hint of cheek.

  “Important quality in a boat,” he noted, lif
ting his face to the breeze as they rumbled down the mountainside. “So...I had a great time tonight,” he said, fishing for some kind of confirmation that he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

  “Me, too,” she said without hesitation, even smiling brightly. He relaxed just a little, but still found his ego bruised by her attitude. They drove into Larimar’s driveway and she parked in the private parking lot. She grabbed her bag and then faced him with a cheery smile. “It was so fun tonight. I hope you enjoy St. John. It’s a wonderful place and I’m sure you’ll take home plenty of fantastic memories.” She turned to walk away, leaving him flabbergasted, then stopped and added, “Oh, there’s a continental breakfast available in the formal dining room if you like. Lots of fresh fruit and sometimes banana pancakes if Celly is feeling up to it. Good night!”

  “Wait,” he called after her, unable to believe she was leaving without so much as a hey, the sex was amazing, let’s get together again soon, but instead she left him with a breakfast reminder! “Okay, clearly I’m not speaking your language... I want to see you again but you haven’t picked up on any of my signals.”

  “Oh, I caught them,” she said, surprising him and further wounding his pride when she added, “I just chose to ignore them.”

  “Why?” he asked, suddenly indignant. “I thought you said you had a good time.”

  “I had a great time,” she agreed with a vigorous nod. “It’s just that I don’t have room in my life for attachments, even short-term ones. When I said my life was complicated, I wasn’t exaggerating. If I were to tell you everything, you’d thank me for giving you a graceful out. I had the most amazing time, truly. But...you and me...it just doesn’t gel for anything beyond the superficial.”

  “How do you know? You haven’t even given me a chance to ruin your opinion of me,” he said.

  At that she grinned and his heart did a funny flop at the way her face lit up when she smiled. She reached up on her tiptoes and brushed a sweet kiss across his lips. “Good night, Justin. Sleep well.”

  And then she was gone, leaving Justin to wonder how she managed to make him feel as if he could fly in one minute and then leave him to feel as if he’d just belly flopped onto concrete the next.

  His dignity demanded that he shrug off her polite rejection and find a less complicated woman to spend time with, but even as his angry steps punctuated his growing irritation, he had a hard time even pretending that he was going to do that.

  Back in New York he had to whack women off with a stick to keep them from getting their claws into his skin. But here? Well, the one woman who intrigued him had just said thanks, Bud, but I think I’ll pass on a rematch.

  Was he a bad lover? Had he totally misjudged his skills with the horizontal mambo? A moment of insecurity badgered him until he was half tempted to bang on her door and let him have a second chance but that was ludicrous and he knew it.

  Oh, God. He was turning into a woman. Why was he stressing about something so completely out of his wheelhouse? Of course he was a good lover. Never had any complaints in that department.

  Never stuck around long enough to listen, a small, crafty voice whispered in his head.

  Yes, it was official.

  He had estrogen running through his veins.

  On the wings of that depressing thought, Justin found his bed and tried to find sleep.

  * * *

  LILAH LAY IN HER BED, staring at the ceiling. Sleep should’ve been easy. Her bones felt soft beneath her skin and her body hummed with satisfaction.

  And yet, her eyes refused to close.

  If she were a different person with a different set of circumstances she could’ve easily seen herself spending more time with Justin. He was funny, charming and had a body that didn’t quit.

  But when she traveled down that road for just a moment—testing out the possibilities—she hit a mental roadblock.

  She wasn’t ready to share her recent past with anyone aside from family. For that matter, she didn’t really want to share it with them, either, but she didn’t have a choice. But if there were some way to erase from their memory what she’d done, she’d jump at the chance.

  Of course, that wasn’t a possibility so she dealt with the consequences; the thought of sharing that burden with even one more person...it made her shudder with shame.

  Dr. Veronica often had to remind her that she was a different person today than she was several months ago when she walked into the ocean ready to die.

  But sometimes she worried her unwell mirror image was just beyond the thin film separation and one wrong move could send her tripping past the barrier into oblivion.

  Her heart kicked up a beat and she closed her eyes and visualized the ocean because it soothed her most. She breathed through the mild panic attack and rolled onto her side, determined to fall asleep.

  She realized she knew very little about Justin aside from the surface stuff, which was how she’d deliberately framed her relationship with him.

  But her mind wanted to know more. There was something behind those smiling eyes that begged for a little digging. She knew something about being a still pool of water running deep. People underestimated her all the time because she wasn’t loud and in your face with her opinions or actions, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t a person interested in having her thoughts and feelings known.

  Dr. Veronica was helping her find her voice but old habits died hard.

  If things were different...

  She couldn’t imagine a better person to spend a little time with than Justin.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE DAY BROKE MUGGY and overcast but Lilah didn’t mind as she sat chatting with Celly, their one remaining full-time employee, at the front desk.

  Celly, an older Crucian woman with a thick accent and an allergy to nonsense, had taken a shine to Lilah from the start, though she still bristled around Lora. Lilah suspected it was because Lora had made the mistake of talking down to her when they first met. Or it could be that Lora still hadn’t given up the notion that they ought to let Celly go.

  Lilah wasn’t worried on that score. For one, Pops loved Celly for her island ways, and honestly, if he wasn’t still in love with his dead wife, he might’ve actually taken a shine to the Carib woman. And two, as much as Lora and Celly rubbed each other the wrong way and groused and griped about one another, they each served an important role at Larimar.

  So basically, no one was going anywhere for the time being.

  “Yah smile wit a light, chile,” Celly remarked slyly, clucking her tongue knowingly. “Yah meet a mon when yah out and about last night?”

  Lilah laughed, only slightly unnerved by how accurate Celly’s intuition was at times, and said, “You’re seeing things. I smile all the time now. Dr. Veronica says it’s good practice.”

  “Yah can’t fool dis ol’ woman. There’s only one way a woman gets dat kind of glow. Either yah pregnant or yah seeing someone that lights yah up from de inside. Come tell Celly who put dat glow on yah face?”

  “Celly,” Lilah said, blushing with mild exasperation. “There isn’t anyone. I just had a great time last night and it’s been a while since I could just enjoy myself, so I’m soaking in it.”

  Celly shook her head with a smile. “Yah be lying, chile, but that’s okay. A woman has her secrets, be fine wit me.”

  Lilah sighed happily, unable to contain the sound. Her stare drifted to the open window and gazed out at the ocean view. Even shrouded in
clouds the color of dirty snow, the island was a beautiful place. She inhaled the sweet scent of tropical flowers wafting from the large vase in the foyer and her good mood was dimmed only slightly by the realization that Larimar wasn’t in the clear.

  She and her sisters had been trying to devise a plan to save their beloved family resort but thus far had only managed to meet their payment arrangements agreed upon by the IRS. Lindy’s fiancé, Gabe Weston, who happened to be the CEO of Weston Enterprises, had offered to kick in some cash to help with the resources but Lora had staunchly disagreed, saying it would muddy the waters between family members. Lilah wasn’t sure, especially when saving the resort, however they could, was the primary goal. But, in the end, they all agreed that they wouldn’t lean on Gabe unless it was absolutely dire. That seemed to be an agreement that everyone was on board with but it hardly seemed fair that they’d have to battle not only the government who was pressuring them for payment, but also Pops and his rapidly deteriorating mental state. Frankly, Lilah had wished they’d simply accepted Gabe’s help to get at least one monkey off their back while they focused on another.

  As if sensing the train of her thoughts, Celly said, “Yah know, Jack heart-sick. Dis what happens when the soul cries for its mate. Your Pops, he good mon, but there come a time when there’s not much else can be done that nature won’t take care of itself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Yah know,” Celly answered cryptically, and left it at that.

  Lilah looked away, not ready to go there. Eventually Pops would become a danger to himself. He’d already given them plenty of scares when he’d wandered off, fallen, or ranted and raved about something that happened decades prior. Once, he’d even taken the ferry to St. Thomas. That’d been a frightening ordeal—for everyone. They hadn’t found him until the following morning.